1. Often enough is often enough for me. Now and then is . . . now I'm waiting for then to find the right combination to unlock my subconsciousness and allow all the memory pixies to fly about in a flustered rampage . . . there always need to me the center of my existence . . . Bastards.
2. I shouldn't say this but I am naked, very naked while writing down these thoughts. Stop reading if you wish. I understand how unnerving to know you're reading the thoughts of a very naked man . . . no, not just my shirt off . . . You're probably wondering . . . is he ALWAYS naked, very naked when writing on his blog.?! No, honestly, this is the very first time that I have sat at the computer and blogged naked . . . really naked.
3. Pulled a shopping cart out of the rolls of shopping carts at Target. Though it wasn't a BIG pull, a tough pull it winded me a bit so I stopped and leaned against the cart . . . "Excuse me!" some lady shouted on my right. I was keeping her away from getting a cart . . . even though there were three other rows of shopping carts she just had to have one from the row I was standing in front of! I wanted to say, "I got cancer, lady, give me a break!" But instead I just moved the cart a few feet and went back to letting it take my weight as I tried to catch my breath.
4. Got 5 out of the 6 Christmas presents I wanted to get. David hates Christmas shopping. A bad experience he had when he was a kid. He bought a Christmas present for someone and he/she hated it! Now he just gives money.
Wednesday, Christmas Day, December 25, 2o19
Well, Christmas day . . . still at home. Suppose to go to David's daughter's house for turkey and such. But David is having a bit of a hard time getting up. I hope we make it. I wrote a Christmas poem this morning:
Christmas
Day (2019)
Christmas
day sits on the windowsill,
tapping
lightly on the window glass.
Should
I let it in? I bought presents
this
year for friends and for family.
Not
much I suppose but as I've always
heard
them say, "it's the thought that counts."
"They"
always say a lot and we always believe
them
because they are the people we trust:
mothers
in their kitchens cooking dinner, pop
plopped
down on the couch almost asleep
watching
the demolition derby cars trash
each
other on Channel Five. And the giant
Christmas
tree in the corner a ton of
Christmas
presents stuffed under its low
hanging
branches. Yes, the Christmas tree
with
its pinecone and fir tree needle odour
attacking
the living room with earthy smells
of
goodwill and joy and love for all mankind.
Yes,
the tree spoke louder than anyone, and
we
kids listened and understood every, single
word
that rose from the angel that topped
the
beautiful tree . . . that would, unfortunately,
be
dead in less than two weeks.
Merry
Christmas!
Woodie
12-25-19
Thursday, December 26, 2o19
Went to see Cats today . . . begrudgingly. David wanted to see it even though the word of mouth on Cats . . . it was a dog of a movie. But we went knowing that we could walk out of it (as we did with La-La Land after 10 minutes of the first number) and sneak into one of the other movies playing.
But we didn't leave. the movie was beautiful to look at and . . . Jennifer Hudson singing Memory at the end of the movie? Brought me to tears. Really. It was just moving. And me being a bit sick . . . a lot sick, I guess I should say. I'm feeling a bit emotional about everything. But that aside, Hudson's singing was just so stirring.
1. Black and White. White and Black. Night and Day. Do my eyes open wider when the sun opens them? Darkness sometimes says means things to me as I wander across it's starry face without direction or concern for anything that day may conjure up to surprise me.
2. My hands shake a bit as I type. They're not cold . . . I believe they're not. The rest of me feel just warm enough to smile. Hands are strange creatures. They can write poetry, create art, scratch your ass, pick your nose. I do not know if they have too much pride or too little.
11:07pm
Sometimes I see myself. In a mirror, a reflection in a storefront window, in the eyes of the cute, black haired girl at Starbucks who always seems so pleased to take my order and finds it some what cute when I tell her my name is woodie . . . spelled with an "ie" at the end. Maybe I'm fooling myself when I say her smile means she thinks I'm cute . . . for an old man.
I wrote a poem once about how it is that we individually go through life and never really know what we look like. I mean, yeah, we can see images of our individual selves like I said above but we really can't see ourselves as others see us. Even a picture isn't the individual . . . it's a two dimensional image of the person. Not him, or her, or they.
Saturday, December 28, 2o19
1. Watched "my team" have its helmet slammed into the dirt against one of the best college teams I've ever seen. OU 28 - LSU 63. Yep, LSU spanked them good and sent them home to mama.
2. I hate pretentiousness in people . . . when it's aimed at me. Academic bull-shitters who just love to make you look stupid so they can feel superior. I've listened to them my whole life. What little I have left, I am not wasting any more time on assholes.
3. I've been dreaming a bit, and remembering what I dreamt when I'd wake up. Not as vividly as I used to, but I remember . . . like an abstract painting, like absurdist dialogue . . . bits and pieces. Maybe a fragment of an image or the sound of laughter. Interesting to try and piece it all together with my conscious mind.
Sunday, December 29, 2o19
I've spoke of this before, pretentiousness. Bullying if that makes it clearer. I've been bullied my whole life by people stronger than me. Stronger physically but also those who think they are smarter than me. That's the pretentiousness I'm focused on. People who try to make themselves look smarter (than they are?) by putting other peoples' IQ in question. Like I said, I've been the victim of both mental and physical bullying. And it stops today . . . well, a few months ago when I unfriended so "friends" online who just feel they have a right to bully me, troll me. Well, they don't anymore.
1. Fighting fire with fire burns the whole world down.
2. Racism is a myth, a lie. Don't be a racist. Don't fight racism with racism. That makes you no better than the thing you hate.
3. Strength and courage comes from years of finding out what the fuck all that means.
4. I'm too tired to write a poem today.
My brain has put out a sign, CLOSED.
My fingers are no help either. They just
twiddle themselves while my eyes stare
at the wall seeing nothing but white paint
and gray cobwebs left by some transient
spider. Like dogs or lions they mark their
territory with urine and scratch marks.
5. And just like that; I do what I couldn't do.
8:44 pm
6. I don't like the term, "think outside the box." I prefer to think that there is no box. AND if I thought that there was no box, I would never have thought to say, "think outside the box." I'm using words, the words I've known forever and I'm using them, I think, in a way that anyone can understand what I'm saying . . . and yet . . . they don't seem to get it, they don't get me. So frustrated with being misunderstood that I even stooped to using on them, those who don't get me, the phrase: THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
11:07pm
I wrote a poem once about how it is that we individually go through life and never really know what we look like. I mean, yeah, we can see images of our individual selves like I said above but we really can't see ourselves as others see us. Even a picture isn't the individual . . . it's a two dimensional image of the person. Not him, or her, or they.
Saturday, December 28, 2o19
A New Year on Its Way
A
new Year creeping up on all of us.
I
can hear this passing year whimper
as
it heads for the memory graveyard
dragging
its months behind itself as if,
as
if the months belonged to it and not
to
the years to come.
We
sleep and dream and pray
this
New Year will bring more hope
than
hopelessness, less pain than,
than
the boney legs of 2019 suffers
through.
We beg that the memory
of
years gone-by will melt away,
forgotten
in the joy of this New Year
this
new life rising from the pit that
the
past left us in without a teaspoon
to
dig our way out.
Be a
kinder New Year, be powerful
but
just and honest and loving.
Be
better than the shadows of the past
that
still hovers above us.
Woodie
12-27-19
1. Watched "my team" have its helmet slammed into the dirt against one of the best college teams I've ever seen. OU 28 - LSU 63. Yep, LSU spanked them good and sent them home to mama.
2. I hate pretentiousness in people . . . when it's aimed at me. Academic bull-shitters who just love to make you look stupid so they can feel superior. I've listened to them my whole life. What little I have left, I am not wasting any more time on assholes.
3. I've been dreaming a bit, and remembering what I dreamt when I'd wake up. Not as vividly as I used to, but I remember . . . like an abstract painting, like absurdist dialogue . . . bits and pieces. Maybe a fragment of an image or the sound of laughter. Interesting to try and piece it all together with my conscious mind.
Sunday, December 29, 2o19
1. Fighting fire with fire burns the whole world down.
2. Racism is a myth, a lie. Don't be a racist. Don't fight racism with racism. That makes you no better than the thing you hate.
3. Strength and courage comes from years of finding out what the fuck all that means.
4. I'm too tired to write a poem today.
My brain has put out a sign, CLOSED.
My fingers are no help either. They just
twiddle themselves while my eyes stare
at the wall seeing nothing but white paint
and gray cobwebs left by some transient
spider. Like dogs or lions they mark their
territory with urine and scratch marks.
5. And just like that; I do what I couldn't do.
8:44 pm
6. I don't like the term, "think outside the box." I prefer to think that there is no box. AND if I thought that there was no box, I would never have thought to say, "think outside the box." I'm using words, the words I've known forever and I'm using them, I think, in a way that anyone can understand what I'm saying . . . and yet . . . they don't seem to get it, they don't get me. So frustrated with being misunderstood that I even stooped to using on them, those who don't get me, the phrase: THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
We were gentler once
like an early spring rain . . . once.
But as we aged we did not age
gracefully, our wine not sweet
more the taste of vinegar.
Tuesday, December 31, New Year's Eve 2o19like an early spring rain . . . once.
But as we aged we did not age
gracefully, our wine not sweet
more the taste of vinegar.
When I get in this somber mood,
there's always a friend saying,
"Cheer up! You are only as old
"Cheer up! You are only as old
as you feel!" in that case
I must be a thousand years old.
I must be a thousand years old.
Pretty much slept all day again today. Am going out at ten to do a little New Year's Eve celebration. But not much. Lazy today, too. This lethargic feeling through my body is truly getting stronger . . . Oh, well. Anyway, no new, New Year Resolution. Maybe try even more to keep myself from getting mad at people that really piss me off! {smiles} Happy New Year!
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