The Daily {w}rite October 09, 2019wk o2

The good thing about being scared before you get bad news from the doctor . . . it seems to take the edge of the inevitable doom you are going to face down the alley a bit. The good news is I don't have cancer at the moment . . . but if I don't start treatment  "right now!" I will wind-up with leukemia and, yes, I will "pass on." Even with the outpatient chemo I may still get leukemia  . . . I'm looking at the word and thinking that would make a cool character name for a character . . . Leu Kemia . . . maybe take the "i" out of Kemia  . . . Kema. That sounds good. And the L-e-u? Well, Leu is a surname that can be found (primarily)  in Romania and Germany. Translation . . . lion. Kema is interesting enough. First name. Either male or female but either way not all that popular. Could mean . . .  god send. So, I could use both words as first names . . . Leu Kema = lion sent by God. Interesting. Or Kema Leu = God send lion. Hmm. Interesting enough.

Thursday, October 1o, 2o19

So, today was David's visit to his doctor about his hip implant. I went along for encouragement. Going through this uncertainty needs someone to be with you. I mean, I don't really do anything because I can't drive anymore. David does all the driving for both of us. Kind of unfair. Anyway, the drive to the doctor's office (no freeway) was fun. Lots of open country . . . green fields and all that. Ah, nature!

The very energetic RN called David in and spent my time going over all the stuff I'm going to be going through next week when my chemo starts.

I didn't sleep well last night cause the whole idea of chemo kept waking me up. I remembered something David's daughter said at dinner last night about her and her husband cleaning up their house because when I start taking chemo I'll want to be in "clean" environments. I told her thanks but I didn't think that was necessary because the doctor didn't say anything about that. She just told me to stay away from sick people as much as possible.

BUT when I went to sleep last night . . . I started thinking about that in a dream. I started thinking about my apartment and how dirty it is . . . that woke me up. Damn. I better ask about that the next time I see the doctor.

Saturday, October 12, 2o19
So, David tells me about his doctor's appointment. It seems the hip replacement has  at it's base a cobalt core, which is radioactive! I think that's what David said. Anyway, What was protecting David from the radioactive was a layer of metal, I guess. Anyway. he needs a new hip replacement. How long does it take to rehabilitate from a hip replacement? 6 months according to the doctor. But according to David it took 8 years to finally not use a cane ! Now, he's gotta go through the whole thing again. Boy.

3:16 pm
Last night was Art Walk and somewhere along the walk I kicked something with my right foot and now the long toe on my right foot is swollen . . . really swollen . . . like broken swollen! FUCK! Don't I have enough physical dilemmas in my life right now?!

Scorsese made some rather negative comments about superhero movies. Basically, he called them non-cinema because they don't deal with human life. Martin, because you don't understand the medium, doesn't mean it's not talking about human beings. I suggest you open your mind a bit more, I mean, you did get involved with JOKER  and that's a "superhero" movie.

Let me say something about art. Art is not put out there for you to put down, it's there for you to experience. That doesn't mean that you can't find fault with a movie or any other piece of art. But you have to at least try and understand the art before you start talking about how "wrong" it is. That's why I don't do my poetry in front of an audience in the conventual way. People don't get me or my art. And I don't get them not getting my poetry. So, I put my poetry out there for people to read if they want and I don't stick around to find out their response. Their response to the work I do is of know importance to me. I do my thing and they as audience do their thing and life is swell.

Sunday, October 13, 2o19
Day before I start chemo and I've got a swelling toe (maybe broken), a fever, and a real desire NOT to start my treatment. I will, of course. No holding it back. Not going to do that. Need to go to the store buy a lot of juice, a thermometer (gotta keep an eye on my fever during all this), ice trays, and lots of food, fruits, veggies and check on how much water my water bottle holds. I need to drink at least 64 ounces of non caffeinated  liquid! Seems like a lot. Any, all for tonight. Catch you tomorrow.  {smiles}

Monday, October 14, 2o19

Darbepoetin alfa is a support medication. It does not treat cancer. 

Azacitidine is  an anti-cancer chemotherapy drug. 

David: Holy Crap! 

Those Are Two Big-ass Needles!
Massacre

Yeah, it was funny . . . but still . . . always already scared as the Surfer Technologist and her friend (RN Girl) described the pain I was going to feel for today and . . . well, everyday that I do the chemo. A shot of Darbepoetin in the left arm "hangy down part" which felt a little bit like someone stuck a lit match into my arm. Two shots of Azacitidine, the two shots that David dubbed "Two Big-ass Needles!" One in the left side of my belly and the other on the right side. I was cautioned by both nurses that it was going to hurt like hell ("Everybody who gets the shots say that 'they hurt like HELL!'") But it didn't really hurt . . . at least . . . not yet. But I am dog-butt tired for sure.