The Daily {W}rite October 2018 wk o2

It 's too easy to lose myself. And even easier to not realize that I am lost, that I am moving, talking, acting in a direction I never wished to go. No, I DID once want to act in the manner that I have now decided works against my best interests. But the yelling, the screaming at people, the rage, the pounding the air with my fists . . . I'm really too old for that anymore. But you know what? I don't want to lie down at the feet of everybody like I'm a whipped dog, a dead dog.

WEDnesday, October 1o, 2o18

And worse than the crash of angry waves  against the memory shore inside my fragile skull, worse than that the day after when all my systems, muscles, consciousness, imagination, my eyes want to close, big sign hanging he lids: Closed Until Further Notice. Tired, drained of energy, the bulb in my head dimming like in one of those old movies when they executed prisoners in an electric chair.

FRIday, October 12, 2o18
I keep meaning to write more each day, but my "life" keeps getting in my way. Went out to dinner with David and his family, well, his daughter, her husband and their baby (who is over 1 year old!). Made plans with Brendan (the son-in-law) to go see the New Halloween movie next Thursday night.

A couple of days ago I get a phone call just as I was getting out of sleepy mode. ME: Hello? DAVID: you up? ME: Just getting there. DAVID: I'm coming up! Well, hell! NO one comes into my apartment! But he was on his way up, I could hear him stomping up the stairs! Yes, an exclamation point (!) at the end of the last sentence because David NEVER comes up the stairs! Anyway, he drags in this long, thin box! "Open it." And I do and inside . . . a print of the original Dogs Playing Poker.

3:01 pm

I'm listening to Bubble Trance music. Okay, I don't know what that is . . . it's some kind of  electronic music. I think it's suppose to be the Hipster version of psychedelic music. It sounds like I'm putting the music down . . . and yet I'm listening to it as I type the entry into the computer. Oh! Read an article David sent me on the Quantum computer? Don't know what that is? Don't feel like you're on a dessert island . . . yeah, I know it says dessert island and not desert island . . . 'cause I read the article and STILL don't understand it. Anyway, it reminded my of a song I wrote a while ago:

QUANTUM MECHANICS BLUE (song)

The theory of quantum physics states that at any given point in

time and space there are about a billion possible possibilities.
But I just shake my head and sigh and wonder why
not one of them at any rate equates to you = loving me.
It goes on to say all things are connected then why do I
feel so neglected on a subatomic level every time I see you
walking hand and hand with the new man of your perfect
dream? It seems to be our probabilities are too infinite for
us to find just one.  What's going on, what's going on with
you and me? The other night you called me on the phone,
asked, "Are you alone?" and I said, "Yes." and you
said, "Hold on, I'll be right there." So, I waited and waited
and waited... and I wait and wait and wait and wait and wait
and wait 'til the universe finally collapsed and I rolled
over and fell asleep. Sir Isaac Newton was surely shootin'
from the hip with his irrefutable laws of gravity for he
did not take into consideration when it comes to personal
relations sometimes things blow-up... and never ever come
down. And it seems to be that responsibility is a word you
always choose to ignore. What's going on, what's going on
with you and me? And it seems to be that your cruelty is too
much for me to handle so I'll stop...
Woodie o4-23-04 (rewrites 1o-12-18)

SUNday, October 14, 2o18

Well, another week has hot-rodded itself and all of us into the middle of the month. One more week and we will be well on our way to . . . HALLOWEEN! We went out, David and me, to the BIG Halloween store that is ONLY open on Halloween and . . . it was less than disappointing. What use to be a warehouse full of animatronic monsters, a very huge supplies of masks (some cheap one some expensive ones), a wonderful lot of costumes for older Halloweeners  as well as just nifty PG13 for the younger kids . . . well, all that is pretty much gone. Yes, plenty of masks but so out of everybody's wallet range. The animatronics we okay, but there weren't as many as year's past. It was really . . . unexciting.

Today, we went to a movie. Hadn't been to one in a while and David doesn't really LIKE to go to the movies much. But this time I gave him choices and he picked one. It was good too. 

Bad Times at the El Royale turned out be a bit of a sleeper movie . . . but in truth it doesn't disappoint as a movie. Lots of fun, but better like lots of dialogue and lots of character development and . . . yeah, dialogue. :) 

There's a few things I don't talk about on this blog because some of my life mingles with very personal things in my friends lives. I'm careful about talking too much about them online. But I do have friends . . . not a lot but enough to say "I have friends." 

I'm going to end here and ship this week off to Facebook. Read if you have the time or personal inclination to do so. And yeah, it's weird to have this statement at the end of an entry. {smiles}