41 degrees, 5o mi. an hour winds coming out of the Northwest, wind-chill makes it feel like 31 degrees and I decide what a perfect day to take my bike out for a spin. And I'm not a total idiot, I checked the front room window with my hand, yeah, it's damn cold out there. So, I layered up, heavy, long sleeve pullover shirt, a hoodie over that, cool hipster sock hat, my brownish-red winter scarf, my thick winter coat, and my bicycle gloves inside my winter gloves. Ready to go.
Well, the wind is a thug. Smacks me and my bike around so hard . . . we almost fell over. And when it wasn't attacking my me directly it kept lifting my loose fitting stocking cap off my head! "Fuck this!" I step off the mountain bike and push it almost all the way to Michelangelo's. My lungs were burning like fire. I stopped, wrestled my inhaler from my jean pocket. Better. But still it was so cold and I had four blocks to go. The good news is that since the wind was blowing from the Northwest the ride home was a dream! It's great when MoNa decides to be helpful. All you can really ask for is the wind at your back.
Tuesday, February o9, 2o16
The Super Being has laid out some tests for me. I have been begging Him/Her to help me get over this persistent anger I have with . . .everybody in this world. And he started yesterday in His/Her round about way giving me little annoyances for me to deal with like cars and trucks parked on the sidewalk where I'm trying to ride my bike in that dreadful "hurricane" wind we had yesterday. Yeah, not a big thing. I did cuss to myself a little bit, "Stupid assholes!" And then I turn the corner right smack into a big rig parked at the curb delivering building supplies to the guys who were building some unaffordable apartments. I surmised they were the ones parked on the sidewalk. It pissed me off even more . . . and THEN I stopped at The Garage for a burger and was verbally assaulted by the nastiest waitress I've ever met! Well, you can guess I was boiling . . . and then I heard a voice inside my head snicker. Yeah, pretty sure it was the Supreme Being. So, I got it. I cooled off a bit. I know what He/She was telling me, "
Don't sweat the small stuff. In fact, don't stress out about any of it."
Wednesday, February 1o, 2o16
I enjoy those nights when the blood in my body slows down, flows evenly through the narrow channels of veins. Particularly good, the slowing down of my thoughts, the images that often enough jump out at my consciousness from the dark corners, the niches, the alleyways that my brain creates. Yes, speed. Nothing's scary, nothing can spook you if it is forced to slow down. David and I got our "problem" sorted out. We talked about what happened a bit and then we both apologized. So, I guess we're friends again. No, no guessing about it. We're friends.
So anyway, a peaceful, productive day. Spent time with Lynda going over the Endgame scene we are performing for her brother's . . . wake? Memorial? I don't know what people call those "events" where the friends and relatives get together to celebrate the life of one who is no longer with us. I'm no direct, personal experience when it comes to death and funerals and stuff. I don't know. I never was close to anyone when they died. I hadn't seen my father much before he passed. Same with Mom and my brother Dennis. Maybe that's riff in my character. A sociopathic lack of empathy when it comes to the suffering of others? No, not really. I just don't know how to express those emotions well. I feel them, but . . . they just don't come out. Afraid of them, I guess. I always runaway from that kind of sadness. Maybe getting too close to the deaths of others will . . . drive home the idea that I too am mortal. A God Complex, then? No. I'm too human to ever consider myself a god.
Anyway, I'm feeling good about life today. Believe it or not I'm smiling as I write this. But how long will it last? I've been on this ride before. Everything seems to be fine and I'm feeling hopeful and then BAM! Back down in the depression basement. Well, maybe this will be everlasting, this peaceful mood I'm in. maybe this time there will be no boogieman jumping out at me when I least expect it.
Thursday, February 11, 2o16
Facebook insane with chatter about the newest discovery . . . gravitational waves! Okay, it wasn't actually discovered today. It was predicted by Einstein in 1916, but it was only a prediction. Today they actually found evidence that gravitational waves do exist! So, what does all this mean? Not sure it means much of anything. Yeah, gravitational waves do occur, but their physical manifestation is so slight they can only be detected by extremely sensitive instruments. So, Cali. surfer boys are shit out of luck. No big kahuna waves heading your way, no giant, crushing vibrations destroying the world. However, poets? Cool! Another image we can use to express this fantasy we dream each waking day. Think on it a bit. Think of the multitude of metaphors and similes you can get out of this discovery!
Gravity
Waves
Gravitational Waves. Surfing the ripples without wiping out. That's what life is all about. But if you do take a header? Get to shore, treat your wounds, feel better and head back for more. I wave too, at her, but she never waves back. I'm no more than an empty coffee cup to be filled, a crumb of cold, stale toast she sweeps away with a drone like swipe from her damp bar towel. She wants me to leave. I see her prayers welling up along the edges of her sea blue eyes. I take the hint; I leave a good sized tip and recede back into the darkness of Main St. from where I came. We all crawled out of the darkness; and back to the darkness we all must go.
Sunday, February 14, 2o16
Well, I had about a weeks worth of energy that I spent mostly on writing, but then yesterday after Franks memorial service . . . that energy just drained out of me. My creative side lies comatose in front of my computer. Brendan has posted his 2015 Movie List (finally) while I just star at that blank page on my computer. Okay, not totally blank. I've finished six short reviews . . . only fourteen more to go! {big sigh}
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