I sometimes don't get people . . . Sure, its normal not to get people who you don't like to begin with . . . but I'm definitely not getting people (who I like) still trying to get Bernie elected by doing the same thing they did the last time to support him . . . and they lost! They've already started on the conspiracy theories. The media and the party itself is out to get Bernie and Bernie lovers have plenty of fake news to prove it. These kind of tactics didn't work before what makes you think they'll work this time? It's like Yogi Berra all over again.
3:31 pm
I'm already watching the pre-Oscar shows! Yes, I am a junky for the Hollywood get together. I'm hoping that the movies I want to win . . . will win. And I think they will.
Tuesday, February 11, 2o2o
Yesterday wore me out. Blood count was extremely low around 6.2. I'm not sure what 6.2 really means but the head nurse who told the news looked very scared as she set me up for not one bag of blood but two bags! AND it took four and a half hours for my veins to suck it all down. Wasn't so bad for me because I had the very comfortable chemo chair and David sit (all the way through the four and a half) in one of those small chairs Oncology put out for visitors. AND since I hadn't more than forty-five minutes worth of sleep the night before, I reclined the chair as far as it would go and slept through most of it. Oh, yeah. About two hours in I remembered . . . I hadn't eaten all day. WHAT?" the nurse yelped. And she ran off and got me a cold turkey sandwich . . . and I realized then how hungry I was and that, that turkey sandwich was the best sandwich I had ever eaten!
10:30 pm
Also yesterday, I did a voice over for a film David's been working on. I don't like doing things off the top of my head even when it's a voice over and I have the few lines right in front of me. But I did it and I guess it went okay.
Wednesday, February 12, 2o2o
1. When it gets too hot in the apartment, I can't sleep. When it gets to cold, I can't sleep. See my dilemma? Up almost every hour last night trying to get the heater at the right temp. so I don't have to get up and play with it a bit. Finally, I got it balanced out and I slept well until 12 noon.
2. Moments, just moments when. Just moments when the world seems balanced just right on my skinny shoulders. But no matter how I try to keep the weight balanced on my tiny shoulders, it movies or I move and the whole thing comes down . . . pinning me to the floor of my dirty apartment. That's the struggle of life . . . not just keeping the cruel world balanced but digging yourself out from underneath the rubble when it falls on you. And believe it, it will fall.
3. I'm tired of politics. And I can't help but fight back when the opposition gets to wild. Unfortunately, most of my opponents are in the political party that I identify with. {
no smile}
Thursday, February 13, 2o2o
1. Well, Thursday. On Facebook they call it throw back Thursday. For me, it's a bit like throw-up Thursday. Not well today. A bit depressed. Everything makes me cry a bit. Commercials for Saint Jude's Children's Hospital? Very sad to watch right now. And hospital shows on TV? I can barely watch any of them because you KNOW some character is going to be dying of cancer. Please, don't think I'm getting a bit maudlin because I'm laughing as I write this. {
smiles}
2. I'm having a difficult time on Facebook with all the political nonsense cropping up. Even the people I agree with politically . . . I don't agree with politically. Yeah, I know. But exactly what I feel when I read some of my fellow liberals talk about politics.
3. I've developed a alternate personality, a pseudo superhero . . . Chemo-Man. My best pic right now is titled Chemo-Man and Pony. One pic above right with Pony and one to the left.
4. I wish some days would be someday and some days would be days happy and some days just uneventful when I just smile because nothing bad had happened. Somedays I love
Sundays and some days I wish the day would magically become a Friday and I was young again and hitting the bars looking for love . . . or something I might mistake for love. Yes, I somedays wish I wasn't at the age I am at. 14. Yes, I wish to be 14 for the rest of my time on this mudd ball. Not 21. Don't need to be 21. 14 the magic number for me.
Friday, Valentine's Day, February 14, 2o2o
Yes, it is that love appreciation day, Valentine's. Not too sorry to say . . . but I never was much of a Valentine's Day celebrator. I don't really remember having ever celebrated it with a significant other. I'm pretty sure I must have at least once bought a girlfriend flowers, candy, a Valentine's Day card. I just don't remember ever performing any of those gestures of love and admiration. However, I did start writing a Not a Valentine's Day Poem over the last few years just to celebrate not having an actual lover to adorn with a Happy Valentine's Day party favor. And it turned out pretty good, I think. I mean, I celebrated the occasion with a poem without actually celebrating it. The picture of the little guy carrying around this HUGE heart on his back . . . sort of expresses my feelings toward the holiday. But is it really a holiday? I know that people who are against Valentine's Day say it's absolutely NOT a legitimate holiday. Just a sad little con by the corporations to relieve you of more of your hard earned money to put into some fat cat's pocket! Of course, the people who say all that are probably without love or a loved one to celebrate love with. I can understand their distain for the . . . holiday.
10:13 pm
End of the second week of February. Rather appropriate to have Valentine's at the end of the second month. On a darker, sadder note. February 14th is also the date of the 2018 Parkland shooting. Want to keep remembering it an all the other mass shootings this country has suffered through since . . . well, a very long time.
So, shutting this week down. hope you enjoy my rants. I'm feeling like I'm not writing as well as I have been. I'm repeating subjects, I think. Maybe that's a good thing. Me realizing that I need to explore new ideas and ways of writing. {
smiles}
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