The Daily {W}rite October 2019 wk. o1

Here it is. The most mystical month of the year . . . okay, for me, just for me. But I think there's a lot of October freaks out there than just little ol' me . . . and Halloween is the crown jewel of all October. Long live Halloween.

Out for awhile today. Coffee at Stella Nova, and then a visit to the McFarlin Memorable United Methodist Church's pumpkin patch . . . Every year for as long as I can remember . . . that pumpkin patch signals the beginning of fall and the arrival of the Halloween season. And yes, "the season has grown to include not just October 31st but the WHOLE month.

I watched Joe Cocker: Mad Dogs and Englishmen movie this afternoon. David ordered a copy of it for me because I couldn't find one at Vintage Stock or anywhere else. Anyway, I watched and . . . it made me cry a bit. Such life in that music, in the people, in Joe and Leon . . . both gone now. And sadly, and surprisingly it sort of snuck up on me  . . . my own mortality. In fact it's starting to effect me  as I write this. Tomorrow I will probably find out if I have cancer or not and whether it can be treated. The appointment is at 1:20pm tomorrow.

Thursday, October o3, 2o19
 Ever see a tire deflate from a nail being pulled out of its rubbery skin? It's not fast, the air doesn't just rush out, it's a study, gentle draining of the air from the tire until there's no more air in the tire and you have a flat. That's what yesterday felt  like for me. I got up early to go with David to a meeting he had with a film director at eleven, right before he'd drive me to my doctor's appointment, which turned out not to be a doctor's appointment but another lab test, blood test. And it appears that I won't find out about what's going on with me until the bone marrow biopsy results come back . . . in two weeks! Mother-Fudger! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

David pulled up in the car and was already on the porch waiting for him. I went to get in the car and . . . . the shortness of breath kicked and . . . all of a sudden I just felt exhausted, sleepy . . . wanting to just lay down in my apartment's driveway and . . . sleep. And I was that way all through the appointment David had with the filmmaker  . . . I was sitting on a couch in the guy's office and I just kept dosing off. It was the scariest feeling in the world. I felt like that tire that had the nail pulled out of its skin. Yeah, that was me. Like someone pulled a nail out of my hide and all my energy just started to float away from me, out of me, and there was nothing I could do about it. And even scarier? It wasn't a unpleasant feeling . . . all your personal life energy just gently flowing out of you.

At the hospital yesterday, we noticed that the doctor's office had put up some Halloween decorations: Some paper pumpkins and witches hanging from the ceiling . . . and there was a skeleton, a neon skeleton pasted in someway to the window glass to my left. I laughed and David whispered to me, "Don't think the skeleton is appropriate since the primary disease they deal with here is cancer." "Yeah," I said, "I'm glad I didn't decide to wear my Walking Dead t-shirt!" And we both laughed  . . . a bit too loud . . . cause all the old folks in the waiting room heard us and  . . . laughing in a doctor's office that specializes in cancer? Again, not appropriate.

Anyway, crawled into the lab area . . . I felt like I was crawling and Lady Lab was there, the first person to take my blood . . . and of course . . . she didn't know who I was. I think she was a bit annoyed because her coworker (Laddie Lab) had taken the day off to get  . . . married! Inconsiderate. Anyway, the blood test came back marginal . . . which was a disappointment to me because I wasn't feeling "marginal." I was feeling like my life force was just being drained out of me!

"Mister Woods." "Yeah?" "You probably need another transfusion. I have one opening at 8:00 am tomorrow morning. If you can't make that you'll need to wait until next week." What I wanted to say to the head RN: "Lady! I'm just about ready to pass the fuck out and die! I can't wait until next week!" What I DID say, "Great. I'll be here tomorrow at 8:00 am."

Friday, October o4, 2o19

You ever worry about jinxing yourself? Like saying something like, "My life is just going so swell!" and then being hit by a car? Jinxing oneself. Yep. Does happen. "No, now, Woodie! You should think positive about life." "Oh, I'm positive about life! I'm positive that something bad is going to happen to me." Okay, so having said all that, knowing that I may jinx myself . . . After yesterday's transfusion . . . I'm feeling great! That's all I'm gonna say about it because tomorrow I could wake -up feeling like . . . not good. Went to see the new movie JOKER. Lots to love. Thinking about actually writing a review about it . . . sort of.

Saturday, October o5, 2o19

Well, the good: I woke up still feeling strength, full of breath. Looks like this third transfusion really worked . . . but I stil have my fingers crossed. And the bad? My anger is back. The healthier I am the more anger I feel. Anything can set me off. My debit card wouldn't work at Walmart. I got so mad at the floor walker kid who tried his best to help me . . . but the card was not going to work. ME: Okay, well, then you take all this back (slams his groceries onto the table) and I'll take these (he indicates the sacked groceries still in the shopping cart) because my friend already payed for them. FW Guy: Okay, I'm terribly sorry . . .  ME: Yeah, yeah. (exists in a extremely agitated state.) SCENE

And when I got home I called my bank and they told me that the reason my card wouldn't work is that it was expired. I look at my card: Expiration date: 9-19. Fuck. And yes, they had sent me a card, and yes, I had it . . . for a while . . . and then forgot I had it and decided to clean my desk off and . . . I accidently threw it away!  I didn't say this to the bank. I said I don't remember getting it. Okay, the bank-girl said. She'll send me a new one and I'll receive it in five working days. Fuck. The fuck is not for the bank-girl. She was very nice. The "fuck" was for me for having gotten so mad at the Walmart guy and for me lying to bank girl. Fuck!

Sunday, o6, 2o19

Groovefest today. Took the camera with me and got a few really nice shot of my favorite Norman band, ONG. And COLD today. No really, a bit on the wee nippy side at under 68 degrees. Wore my green hoodie and still felt the chill stabbing at my arms. Winter is Coming. Walked around Groovefest for maybe two hours before I got tired and asked David to take me home.

A good day. My slow breathing exercise when I feel a shortness of breath coming on  . . . which isn't happening that much . . . seems to be working for me. I hope I won't need another trans. when I go in on Wednesday for labs. Labs. Trans. Yeah, like I really know what I'm talking about. {smiles}

Monday, October o7, 2o19
So, I'm running a bit late on finishing up this weeks blog. I'm actually writing this on Tuesday.  Went out yesterday to my flu shot BUT I couldn't get it because they had on file my old Medicare card. I went back today AND I had to fill out the SAME paperwork that I did the day before. BUT! I didn't lose my cool. I just filled it out and took up to window. I didn't even get flustered when the woman jump in front of me to get HER flu shot even though I was there first! I just said "excuse me" and handed my paperwork to the pharmacist before she did.